I Can’t Sing X-Factor Musical London Palladium

I make it my rule to celebrate my shows and featured guests on Celebrity Radio, however, it’s a bit tough with ‘I Can’t Sing’ at the London Palladium.

Let’s try…..

Well, I stayed until the end, wanted to love it and went with an open mind.

This show is the Wonderbra of musicals. It looks good but ultimately leaves you a tad disappointed.

‘I Can’t Sing’ (literally) sounds amazing but ultimately leaves you wishing you’d have opted for a more familiar, tried and tester….but slightly older option.

Here’s our Exclusive audio / visual review via YouTube:

My review comes 3 days after the news that the X-Factor parody musical is to CLOSE in the West End on May 10th 2014 after less than 2 months on stage and 6 weeks since officially opening.

And so it began in the glorious Palace of Show Business, the Palladium,,,,,,

I waited 42 minutes for my flabber to be gasted at ‘I Can’t Sing’. It’s fair to say that it was the longest 40+minutes of my life waiting for Cynthia Erivo’s 11 O’clock number to get the party started. Phew. That’s positive right?

Ms. Erivo’s chops have been kissed by God! Such power. Such control. Such a gorgeous tone.

I’d love to tell you the name of the song that stole the show but the producers couldn’t be arsed to put the running order in the programme. (That’s £5 we’ll never see again).

Frankly the script at ‘I Can’t Sing’ was way too predictable. I spent the entire show saying to myself “I know what you’re getting at but I already laughed at this joke in 2006”.

simon cowell musical I can't sing to close may 10th london palladium simon cowell musical I can't sing to close may 10th london palladium 3 simon cowell musical I can't sing to close may 10th london palladium 2

Sadly Peter Kay had already done these jokes (much better) in with his remarkably brilliant Channel 4 piss-take of the ‘reality Star format’. Most gags were 3 minutes longer than they needed to be. I get it, Cheryl is hard of thinking. However, she (the delicious Victoria Elliot) did have several rare zingers though which brought the house down.

Sadly for me ‘the Star’ Nigel Harman (who plays Cowell) did not shine vocally or theatrically. An impossibly pointless role that was totally superfluous to the Simon Cowell musical. He didn’t bother appearing until Act 2.

He had a brilliant ‘false leg gag’ that was bizarrely repeated twice?

Let’s be clear – there were laugh out loud moments and the sound, lighting and polish of the show was as good as it gets.

The problem with this show is I just didn’t care. I knew what was coming before it arrived. We all got the gag (10 years ago) that Cowell wears high trousers and has a messiah complex.

In 20 years of reviewing Live theatre, I don’t think I’ve ever experience such a self-indulgent, narcissistic ego-wank for it’s topic. Simon Cowell should really be ashamed for £65. I’m sure the £6 million loss will not hurt himself as much as the cast and crew who face impending eviction next month. That’s showbiz folks. The irony is staggering.

Enjoy Alex’s spoof Exclusive interview with Simon Cowell about I Can’t Sing closing…..

Also for me the Palladium was just to big. I believe it could and would have survived in a theatre just half it’s size. I guess that wouldn’t have pampered Simon’s ego as well as the worlds most famous and respected stage. Little did he realise this has been their biggest and most embarrassing flop in the Palladium’s history.

Also, what really bothered me was Harry Hill’s convenient nods to Spamalot and The Producers. It felt like I’d seen at least 4 entire scenes before……just with slight less sparkly sets. I guess that’s a huge compliment hey Mel & Eric?

I should pay tribute to the wonderful Alan Morrissey who has a delicious tone and was perfectly cast. Charlie Baker also delighted as (the lovingly ripped off Patsy-esk) ‘Hunchback’. Simon Lipkin was as magnificent but could do little with his flimsy script. I also loved the gorgeous Katy Secombe as Brenda.

All of the cast did their absolute best. I only wish we could have seen more of their natural talent.

Here’s Simon Cowell’s (parody) EXCLUSIVE interview with Alex Belfield….

Nice tax write off Simon! Are you using Jimmy Carr’s accountant?


Review 30th April 2014